The Gift of Self-Reflection: Insights from a Sea Retreat

 

 Each year, my annual journey to the sea is more than just a getaway—it's a profound experience that offers unforgettable moments and invaluable life lessons. The sea has always been a mirror, reflecting back to me the essence of who I am, offering a form of self-remembrance that is both humbling and enlightening.

This year was particularly special. It presented an opportunity to see myself from an external perspective. Rather than delving into specific details and events, I aim to share the internal journey—my feelings, reflections, and realizations as I navigated through various situations.

Life's lessons often come in stages, much like a school curriculum. First, there's the theoretical introduction, laying a philosophical foundation. Soon after, life presents a test to see if these lessons have been truly integrated and can be applied in practical situations. This year at the sea, I encountered such a test.

I've always had a persistent desire to observe myself objectively, to understand the cause-and-effect relationships in my life. However, this self-observation was often confined to the abstract realm—an imagined scenario filled with elements of control and manipulation. The insights gained from such exercises lacked the depth of personal experience and often felt contrived. Life, however, has a way of reflecting our inner world through external circumstances, allowing us to see our true selves.

Trips to the sea, mountains, or even a walk in the park offer a chance to shift the layers of consciousness. They provide a stimulus to the life force for self-analysis and transformation to self-focus. Without movement, there is destruction. Standing still creates decay, repetitive cycles, and loss of vitality, flexibility, and adaptability. A change in environment represents an opportunity for readjustment, offering a new perspective on oneself and a chance to rearrange and discard the superfluous and the unhealthy.

This process of self-reflection and self-focus—seeing one's past self from an outside perspective—is a profound gift. However, unwrapping this gift can be painful. It involves confronting physical, emotional, and spiritual pain, a journey that is often fraught with suffering. Yet, it is this very pain that urges a return to self-focus, the safe harbor amidst life's tumultuous waves.

Throughout life, we encounter many such unwrapped gifts. When we approach them without self-focus, they cause suffering and self-destruction. Conversely, when we open them while centered in self-focus, we learn profound truths about ourselves, heal from illusions, and free ourselves from the chains of neuroses. Helping oneself first is crucial; only then can one serve as a clear mirror for others, inspiring true love and understanding.

A simple yet profound realization dawned on me: "You are me before; I am you tomorrow." Every person we meet serves as a backdrop against which aspects of ourselves are highlighted. Our task is to remain self-focused, exploring our feelings and reactions in relation to others' behaviors. It is not our job to save or explain things to others but to understand our responses and learn from them.

At the sea this year, I realized that everyone in our lives serves as a unique tool in the laboratory of self-analysis and self-focus. When we let go of the need to save others, we gain clarity on how to live freely. The other person is unknowable and cannot be helped unless they are ready and willing to seek help. Pulling a flower to make it grow faster is not the right approach. The only true, fundamental, and guiding concept is self-focus because it is the only possible approach. One can understand oneself and one's world only through their center, through the perspective and constant refuge of self-focus.

A psychotherapist once said, "Freeing a person who is not ready to be free is equivalent to imprisonment." Unsolicited, premature help is often perceived as aggression. I saw my own aggression in my attempts to do good. A larva cannot become a butterfly unless it is allowed to undergo its natural process of maturation. Non-interference, rooted in self-focus, is the most constructive behavior.

During my time at the sea, some events led to disappointment, and I felt the urge to leave and return to Sofia. I had lost my focus, externalized it, and got involved in a conflict. Why did I want to run away? Because I was under great pressure and couldn't resolve it without self-focus. Solutions lie in self-focus.

Heading to the sea, my psychotherapist and I discussed how this trip would be special, an opportunity to observe and understand more about myself. Situations catalyzed this self-reflection. The behavior of another person unlocked insights within me, which I could explore through self-focus. The other person's behavior is just a backdrop that helps highlight aspects of myself.

This retreat to the sea was not a vacation but a working journey. Every situation was a chance to understand more about myself, not to be distracted by others' problems, which are their responsibilities. Engaging with others' issues is a way to distract from oneself. The other person is simply another individual with their peculiarities, shaped by their biography. How their behavior affects me is what's important to investigate—not their behavior itself, but my feelings in response to it.

My investigation involved observing myself in relation to others' behavior, learning from these reflections, and understanding why I might run from self-focus. Often, another's behavior reminds me of my past behavior, triggering discomfort and prompting me to run away. Recognizing similarities between my past and the "mirror self" in others allowed for a form of self-recognition. I saw myself as I was before, understanding the tendency to fall into pain dependency as a method of coping.

This realization was both enlightening and discomforting. The new self feels uneasy recalling the old self, leading to frustration and avoidance. However, it's not about tolerating past blindness but exploring it. In the current situation at the sea, the old self is represented not only as a past image but also in the "mirror self" of the other. Seeing someone else play the old role makes it easier to study and understand.

A problem is only visible when played out on life's stage. An inner conflict can only be resolved after external examination through self-focus. I saw a delayed internal cleaning, first within, then outside. The old self seen outside with some delay, while the new self is on a different level with new insights.

Ultimately, it's about recognizing that our changes and realizations affect us primarily. We are responsible for our journey, not for how others respond to it. Self-focus is the anchor, the constant refuge in the sea of life, guiding us towards true self-understanding and growth.